Friday, December 31, 2010
Eric Ludy - Depraved Indifference
There isn't much I can say about this video. It is very powerful all by itself. I have balled my eyes out both time I've watched it so, let that be your warning. It is a bit long, but it hits hard for parents about 2 minutes in...
We started this process to adopt a "baby". We are now more open to what God might have planned for us. Please watch this video before deciding we are crazy or asking what we are thinking considering a child who isn't an infant.
If you are moved to do so, there is a link to Ujimacare Foundation to the right. They are in the process of building an orphanage in Ghana which will be the first orphanage in the entire region and therefore, the first place that many children will ever call home. You can see photos of their progress here.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Anti-climatic
All over the web you can see adoptive parents' referral videos. They are sitting in front of a computer and burst into tears when they first see a photo of their little one.
Don't think that is likely to happen to us.
So, after dealing with the headaches that are adoption agencies, I decided to simply contact an organization in Ghana that works in many ways to help orphans. One way that they help, is to work with US adoption agencies to find homes for children who truly need them. These children often aren't even living in an orphanage. They are living with a relative who can hardly feed themselves let alone an additional small child.
Independent adoption is legal in Ghana and we have all the necessary paperwork since the last agency told us what we need so, what not skip the middle-man that causes so much headache? The main concern with our adoption is that it is done ethically and legally. I feel very confident with this organization in Ghana so, eliminating the US agency allows us to cut out someone who might not be as ethical. So, last week, I contacted the organization in Ghana and they agreed to work with us!!!
Things have still been a bit fuzzy and slow, but at least now I know where the hang up is if I don't get an answer.
Back to the referral thing... this organization is just like any other non-profit, overworked. I was told about a little girl last Wednesday and today got an email with her photo. Nothing else, just her photo. I had to write back and ask if this was the little girl we talked about as he had mentioned 2 little girls who had little brothers. Was this one of them? Was this a new little girl? Where was the brother?
It will all get sorted out in time, but there is a chance that I saw a photo of our daughter today. it is weird to think that I saw her face and didn't know it was her. When you deliver at the hospital BOOM, there is their little face and they are yours. When you get a referral through and agency, you open the email knowing that the little person you see is meant to be yours.
Yep.. this was a bit different.
Don't think that is likely to happen to us.
So, after dealing with the headaches that are adoption agencies, I decided to simply contact an organization in Ghana that works in many ways to help orphans. One way that they help, is to work with US adoption agencies to find homes for children who truly need them. These children often aren't even living in an orphanage. They are living with a relative who can hardly feed themselves let alone an additional small child.
Independent adoption is legal in Ghana and we have all the necessary paperwork since the last agency told us what we need so, what not skip the middle-man that causes so much headache? The main concern with our adoption is that it is done ethically and legally. I feel very confident with this organization in Ghana so, eliminating the US agency allows us to cut out someone who might not be as ethical. So, last week, I contacted the organization in Ghana and they agreed to work with us!!!
Things have still been a bit fuzzy and slow, but at least now I know where the hang up is if I don't get an answer.
Back to the referral thing... this organization is just like any other non-profit, overworked. I was told about a little girl last Wednesday and today got an email with her photo. Nothing else, just her photo. I had to write back and ask if this was the little girl we talked about as he had mentioned 2 little girls who had little brothers. Was this one of them? Was this a new little girl? Where was the brother?
It will all get sorted out in time, but there is a chance that I saw a photo of our daughter today. it is weird to think that I saw her face and didn't know it was her. When you deliver at the hospital BOOM, there is their little face and they are yours. When you get a referral through and agency, you open the email knowing that the little person you see is meant to be yours.
Yep.. this was a bit different.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Fingerprints done!
When we first heard that our appointment with USCIS would be December 22nd, it seemed SOOOOO far away! Now, I can't believe we have it all behind us.
I expected a DMV or Social Security office situation, but was pleasantly surprised when we arrived at our appointment. We were able to park RIGHT in front of the building and the place itself was nice a clean with light blue walls. I mention this because plain ol' white walls really would have given it a colder feeling. All three staff that we encountered were over the top friendly and when we left, they asked us to complete a customer service survey.
Wow. If only DMV would have a customer service survey!
Now we wait some more. In the meantime, we are just waiting to be match with our little human :)
I expected a DMV or Social Security office situation, but was pleasantly surprised when we arrived at our appointment. We were able to park RIGHT in front of the building and the place itself was nice a clean with light blue walls. I mention this because plain ol' white walls really would have given it a colder feeling. All three staff that we encountered were over the top friendly and when we left, they asked us to complete a customer service survey.
Wow. If only DMV would have a customer service survey!
Now we wait some more. In the meantime, we are just waiting to be match with our little human :)
Friday, December 17, 2010
The update
Where to begin...
The last few weeks we have been on a bit of a roller coaster. I've been writing about it to be able to have record of what this journey has been like, but we weren't ready to share what has been going on until now.
If you want to catch up, you can click on the link for Ghana on the right-hand side of the page which will bring up all of our Ghana-related posts or, you can go back to our archives to November 18th and read through to find the new posts.
The last few weeks we have been on a bit of a roller coaster. I've been writing about it to be able to have record of what this journey has been like, but we weren't ready to share what has been going on until now.
If you want to catch up, you can click on the link for Ghana on the right-hand side of the page which will bring up all of our Ghana-related posts or, you can go back to our archives to November 18th and read through to find the new posts.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Catching up
Ok.. I'm writing this about a week after the fact as it has taken me that long to be able to write about this.
Since I last wrote about Ghana and Little Miss, we have had nothing but more heartache from this new agency (email me if you want to know who they are). I talked with the director on Wednesday, December 1st and was told that he would talk with the rep in Ghana and call me the next day at 10 a.m. He did not call the next day (and when I called he was not in the office) and he did not call the following day. He finally emailed me Friday night and said that there would be a teleconference with everyone MONDAY EVENING. Obviously, I called Tuesday at 11 a.m. figuring that was plenty of time for them to have called me to fill me in.
I couldn't get a hold of him all day. I finally talked with his assistant director who confirmed my fears. She agreed that the director was unprofessional and that he had over promised. She also said she didn't know why he would match our family to this little girl without knowing her social history. For all we know, this little girl's photo was just taken off a charity's website. Basically, she told me that we definitely should not feel comfortable working with their agency.
About 1/2 hour later, the director calls and tries to get an attitude with me for asking so many questions. He informed me that he was the industry leader for adoptions (funny because NO ONE in the industry that I've spoken with has even heard of him or his agency). I calmed him down and let him talk about how great he is for another 1/2 hour. Chris got home shortly after and we made the difficult decision to not work with him. Don't get me wrong, it was easy to say we wouldn't work with him, he was an idiot, but he is the only one that would be able to connect us with Little Miss. I guess once a child is assigned to an agency, that's it. Every time I get upset about her being over the alone and remember that we have no proof whatsoever that she even exists or that she doesn't have a mother loving her already.
In the course of the last few weeks I've been communicating with 3 other agencies that work in Ghana and they have all been so much more helpful then this guy. So, this past week we've been working with them to decide which agency to switch to as we have decided to stay with Ghana and our current agency does not work in Ghana. Why not go back to Ethiopia? Well, we could, but also in the past few weeks there have been announcements about concerns from the US which could mean instability, delays and more frustration for Ethiopia.
We feel like this happened for a reason and we are supposed to be looking for our child in Ghana. We're at peace... for the moment...
Since I last wrote about Ghana and Little Miss, we have had nothing but more heartache from this new agency (email me if you want to know who they are). I talked with the director on Wednesday, December 1st and was told that he would talk with the rep in Ghana and call me the next day at 10 a.m. He did not call the next day (and when I called he was not in the office) and he did not call the following day. He finally emailed me Friday night and said that there would be a teleconference with everyone MONDAY EVENING. Obviously, I called Tuesday at 11 a.m. figuring that was plenty of time for them to have called me to fill me in.
I couldn't get a hold of him all day. I finally talked with his assistant director who confirmed my fears. She agreed that the director was unprofessional and that he had over promised. She also said she didn't know why he would match our family to this little girl without knowing her social history. For all we know, this little girl's photo was just taken off a charity's website. Basically, she told me that we definitely should not feel comfortable working with their agency.
About 1/2 hour later, the director calls and tries to get an attitude with me for asking so many questions. He informed me that he was the industry leader for adoptions (funny because NO ONE in the industry that I've spoken with has even heard of him or his agency). I calmed him down and let him talk about how great he is for another 1/2 hour. Chris got home shortly after and we made the difficult decision to not work with him. Don't get me wrong, it was easy to say we wouldn't work with him, he was an idiot, but he is the only one that would be able to connect us with Little Miss. I guess once a child is assigned to an agency, that's it. Every time I get upset about her being over the alone and remember that we have no proof whatsoever that she even exists or that she doesn't have a mother loving her already.
In the course of the last few weeks I've been communicating with 3 other agencies that work in Ghana and they have all been so much more helpful then this guy. So, this past week we've been working with them to decide which agency to switch to as we have decided to stay with Ghana and our current agency does not work in Ghana. Why not go back to Ethiopia? Well, we could, but also in the past few weeks there have been announcements about concerns from the US which could mean instability, delays and more frustration for Ethiopia.
We feel like this happened for a reason and we are supposed to be looking for our child in Ghana. We're at peace... for the moment...
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Forget the mailbox
I got tired of waiting in the rain so I emailed USCIS. Good news! Apparently we have fingerprint appointments December 22nd! Now we just need the actual notice to arrive in the mail so that we know what time and where.
Monday, December 6, 2010
If you need me....
I'll be waiting by the mailbox.
I cannot believe that we haven't received our fingerprint appointments yet! I know they can take awhile, but the other family that we know is exactly one week ahead of us (they sent in their I-600A one week before us) and following their timeline, we should have gotten our fingerprint appointments in the mail last Wednesday.
Bummer.
So, if you need me, you know where I'll be.
I cannot believe that we haven't received our fingerprint appointments yet! I know they can take awhile, but the other family that we know is exactly one week ahead of us (they sent in their I-600A one week before us) and following their timeline, we should have gotten our fingerprint appointments in the mail last Wednesday.
Bummer.
So, if you need me, you know where I'll be.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Emotionally drained after just 3 1/2 months
It exhausts me just thinking about writing this post, but if we really want to capture this journey for our child, I need to document the craziness that has been this past week.
So, just a couple weeks ago life was great. We were slowly moving along the long adoption process, but moving. Then, I get the email that put a face to the process and it has been downhill since. She was presented as a child needing a family and we are a family needing a child. Perfect. Ah, but then there is the agency. Turns out, they are completely unprofessional and have not yet completed an adoption in Ghana. China sure, but Ghana, no.
OK... We'll just go with the flow a bit.
Nope. Turns out when we do that, nothing happens on their end. We are more than 2 weeks from the day that we saw her photo and exactly NOTHING has happened. The agency supposedly requested information on her and sent our application along to the regional director, but really they just asked the guy in Ghana to get the information and pass along our application. As far as we can tell, he did neither. So, with some pushing from me, our agency said they would get in touch with him. That was 3 days ago. I finally heard back tonight only to be told that I was right - nothing has happened, but they have asked him AGAIN and he said he'll do it on Monday.
I keep asking God for a sign. Is THIS our little girl? Are we supposed to take a huge leap of faith with this agency even though they seem a bit shady in order to build our family? Then it hit me: aren't these signs?
We fell in love with a little girl that we thought was meant to be ours, but everyday since, we have hit a road block. Is it possible that she was just a sign from God that our child is in Ghana and we need to focus there and not Ethiopia and now, he continues to give me signs that this sweet girl is not the one? It's like, he gives subtle little hints and if you don't pay attention, he'll smack you upside the head so that you DO listen. Do we push on and see if we get the ultimate smack - losing her and a ton of money further down the road?
OR are we just being test in our faith? Does God want to see how badly we will fight for her?
So, just a couple weeks ago life was great. We were slowly moving along the long adoption process, but moving. Then, I get the email that put a face to the process and it has been downhill since. She was presented as a child needing a family and we are a family needing a child. Perfect. Ah, but then there is the agency. Turns out, they are completely unprofessional and have not yet completed an adoption in Ghana. China sure, but Ghana, no.
OK... We'll just go with the flow a bit.
Nope. Turns out when we do that, nothing happens on their end. We are more than 2 weeks from the day that we saw her photo and exactly NOTHING has happened. The agency supposedly requested information on her and sent our application along to the regional director, but really they just asked the guy in Ghana to get the information and pass along our application. As far as we can tell, he did neither. So, with some pushing from me, our agency said they would get in touch with him. That was 3 days ago. I finally heard back tonight only to be told that I was right - nothing has happened, but they have asked him AGAIN and he said he'll do it on Monday.
I keep asking God for a sign. Is THIS our little girl? Are we supposed to take a huge leap of faith with this agency even though they seem a bit shady in order to build our family? Then it hit me: aren't these signs?
We fell in love with a little girl that we thought was meant to be ours, but everyday since, we have hit a road block. Is it possible that she was just a sign from God that our child is in Ghana and we need to focus there and not Ethiopia and now, he continues to give me signs that this sweet girl is not the one? It's like, he gives subtle little hints and if you don't pay attention, he'll smack you upside the head so that you DO listen. Do we push on and see if we get the ultimate smack - losing her and a ton of money further down the road?
OR are we just being test in our faith? Does God want to see how badly we will fight for her?
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
What most of you probably don't know
I'm officially at "that point" in my life. I'm a mom, with a small child and I watch Oprah. There, I said it.
Now that it's out there - she recently did an episode about HIV and AIDS today and showed clips from a show she did back in the '80s. It was crazy watching the clips. People were so uneducated and.... well, just stupid. Even with a doctor telling them that they cannot contract HIV by sharing a swimming pool, people still didn't want to be in the same water as an HIV+ man. Oh, and of course, you had to be gay to have HIV.
Flash forward to today. Most people realize that HIV is completely preventable. Most people don't realize however, how manageable it has become. It is no longer a death sentence. I'm not an expert so, I'll stop there, but I will direct you to the blog of a mother of an HIV+ child and an excellent writer.
http://www.gillispiefam.blogspot.com/
Now that it's out there - she recently did an episode about HIV and AIDS today and showed clips from a show she did back in the '80s. It was crazy watching the clips. People were so uneducated and.... well, just stupid. Even with a doctor telling them that they cannot contract HIV by sharing a swimming pool, people still didn't want to be in the same water as an HIV+ man. Oh, and of course, you had to be gay to have HIV.
Flash forward to today. Most people realize that HIV is completely preventable. Most people don't realize however, how manageable it has become. It is no longer a death sentence. I'm not an expert so, I'll stop there, but I will direct you to the blog of a mother of an HIV+ child and an excellent writer.
http://www.gillispiefam.blogspot.com/
An emotional day.. or maybe week
Lately, almost anything almost gets me crying. It is killing me to know about this little girl in Ghana and not be able to go get her. What's killing me more? The agency we are working with is not being very helpful. Well, maybe that's not the way to put it. They aren't helping AT ALL. There are only 4 people on staff, but only one is able to answer any questions. When the others answer, the answer contradicts his answer. I can't get him to return my calls as he is always in a meeting.
So, here I am.. with a ton of questions and not a single answer feeling very alone in this process. This is why we have an agency - or so I thought - to have someone to answer questions and guide us through. Part of me thinks I'm freaking out unnecessarily, but a huge part of me says "What am I paying you for if you can't return my calls or get me the information I'm asking for?". Sadly, I don't have an answer to that question. So, I guess if I don't get any further in the next day or so, we'll be forced to move on to another agency.
It has almost been 2 weeks since we saw her photo and were told that they were requesting more information about her. We've received no additional information.
It breaks my heart to think that we might not bring Little Miss home. I'm already so attached to her, but if we switch agencies, it will likely mean that we can no longer pursue adopting her. I just wish that God would speak a little louder about what we are supposed to do.
So, here I am.. with a ton of questions and not a single answer feeling very alone in this process. This is why we have an agency - or so I thought - to have someone to answer questions and guide us through. Part of me thinks I'm freaking out unnecessarily, but a huge part of me says "What am I paying you for if you can't return my calls or get me the information I'm asking for?". Sadly, I don't have an answer to that question. So, I guess if I don't get any further in the next day or so, we'll be forced to move on to another agency.
It has almost been 2 weeks since we saw her photo and were told that they were requesting more information about her. We've received no additional information.
It breaks my heart to think that we might not bring Little Miss home. I'm already so attached to her, but if we switch agencies, it will likely mean that we can no longer pursue adopting her. I just wish that God would speak a little louder about what we are supposed to do.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Family of 4 by Christmas?
We have our tree up and the house is decorated with the exception of our stockings. We know we won't bring little miss home by Christmas, but if we could just feel more certain that she will be ours soon, we can start acting like a family of 4. I'd love to fill a stocking with adorable headbands and bows!
Where we stand now is that the agency told us that there is no reason to think that we will not be able to adopt little miss. That said, they then told us that we can fill confident in the process once we get her social history - that is, how she came to the orphanage and when. We've been waiting on this information since the 18th. I know we need to be flexible with Ghana-time and that internet communication is slow and sporadic there, but I'm dying to know that I can fall in love with her. Honestly, it's too late for me. I have her 8x10 photo on the fridge and I look at her face at least 10 times a day including right before I go to sleep.
We decided to share the information with some of our family at Thanksgiving and they were thrilled. We had to give them all of the "maybes" involved. Most people probably would have kept this to themselves until they were certain, the same as people waiting until they make it to the 12 week mark of their pregnancy. We're not those people. We don't share to get everyone excited. We share because we are excited and we need love and prayers that God will protect our child and our hearts. We haven't regretted telling anyone "early" yet. We have needed the support from family and friends more times that we would have liked and we may need it again as we go through this journey of adoption.
I've been able to find some support groups made up of adoptive parents of Ghana who can answer questions about the process and what to expect. I've also found a facebook page for the orphanage where we are told that little miss is living. There are numerous volunteers there and they share photos on the page. I haven't seen little miss in any of them yet, but I did see the other little boy that was referred in the same email.
It is just so hard to be so in love with someone you've never met and know that they don't even know you exist. That right now she might be needing a hug after scraping her knee or might be waking from a bad dream without her mother to comfort her. Yep, it's too late for me. I'm attached.
Where we stand now is that the agency told us that there is no reason to think that we will not be able to adopt little miss. That said, they then told us that we can fill confident in the process once we get her social history - that is, how she came to the orphanage and when. We've been waiting on this information since the 18th. I know we need to be flexible with Ghana-time and that internet communication is slow and sporadic there, but I'm dying to know that I can fall in love with her. Honestly, it's too late for me. I have her 8x10 photo on the fridge and I look at her face at least 10 times a day including right before I go to sleep.
We decided to share the information with some of our family at Thanksgiving and they were thrilled. We had to give them all of the "maybes" involved. Most people probably would have kept this to themselves until they were certain, the same as people waiting until they make it to the 12 week mark of their pregnancy. We're not those people. We don't share to get everyone excited. We share because we are excited and we need love and prayers that God will protect our child and our hearts. We haven't regretted telling anyone "early" yet. We have needed the support from family and friends more times that we would have liked and we may need it again as we go through this journey of adoption.
I've been able to find some support groups made up of adoptive parents of Ghana who can answer questions about the process and what to expect. I've also found a facebook page for the orphanage where we are told that little miss is living. There are numerous volunteers there and they share photos on the page. I haven't seen little miss in any of them yet, but I did see the other little boy that was referred in the same email.
It is just so hard to be so in love with someone you've never met and know that they don't even know you exist. That right now she might be needing a hug after scraping her knee or might be waking from a bad dream without her mother to comfort her. Yep, it's too late for me. I'm attached.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Ghana bound!
It's official. We are moving on to Ghana. I'm so excited about the Ghana and about our sweet little girl! So, next steps:
Our dossier for Ethiopia was done and ready for our I-171H from USCIS. From there, we were going to have to get a couple things sealed by the state and then have everything authenticated in D.C.
Ghana changes:
Nothing has to be sealed and nothing has to be notarized so, we save some time there, however, I did have to edit a couple of documents and get the notarized as well as provide some photos of our home. So, yesterday I took care of most of it and I'm hoping we'll be able to get a new doctor's letter in the next day or so.
Our home study is being edited to say "Ghana" instead of "Ethiopia" and we should have that by Monday. Once we have it, we will apply to have the change made with USCIS while we wait on the fingerprints.
Meanwhile, in Ghana, our agency contact is finding out more about Little Miss and starting the paperwork to request a court date. if all goes well, we'll be headed to court in Ghana the minute that we get our I-171H from USICS which should be in the next couple of months.
I can't believe we might be headed to get our child about the same time that we would have just gotten on the wait list for Ethiopia. The family at #2 on the Ethiopia list has been on the list for 4 months - the last 2 they haven't moved at all.
Our dossier for Ethiopia was done and ready for our I-171H from USCIS. From there, we were going to have to get a couple things sealed by the state and then have everything authenticated in D.C.
Ghana changes:
Nothing has to be sealed and nothing has to be notarized so, we save some time there, however, I did have to edit a couple of documents and get the notarized as well as provide some photos of our home. So, yesterday I took care of most of it and I'm hoping we'll be able to get a new doctor's letter in the next day or so.
Our home study is being edited to say "Ghana" instead of "Ethiopia" and we should have that by Monday. Once we have it, we will apply to have the change made with USCIS while we wait on the fingerprints.
Meanwhile, in Ghana, our agency contact is finding out more about Little Miss and starting the paperwork to request a court date. if all goes well, we'll be headed to court in Ghana the minute that we get our I-171H from USICS which should be in the next couple of months.
I can't believe we might be headed to get our child about the same time that we would have just gotten on the wait list for Ethiopia. The family at #2 on the Ethiopia list has been on the list for 4 months - the last 2 they haven't moved at all.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
While we wait...
I know this blog makes it seems like this whole process is just paperwork and to some extent that's true. What I've neglected to post much about is what else we are doing in between paperwork and fingerprinting. Well, for me, this "paper pregnancy" is all consuming. I think about it 24/7. Poor Chris then hears about it every 5 minutes when he's home.
Just like when I was pregnant with Carter, I'm reading a lot and trying to prepare. I don't get people who just go through pregnancy thinking it will come naturally. I'm way too much of a planner. So, I'm reading different books on adoption, international adoption, bi-racial adoption, etc. I also spend at least 1/2 an hour each day reading other adoptive parents' blogs.
The blogs have been by far the most useful. I can tell you on average how long each step in the process takes based on their timelines. I get an idea of what bumps in the road we'll encounter and what to expect when we get to meet our child. It is on these blogs that I've read suggestions on important topics that I can then talk with Chris about. One of these is how much information we will share with others about our child's history.
I've read quite a few blog posts about this and after discussing it with Chris, we definitely agree without any doubt that we will NOT be sharing any details about our child's background with anyone until we are able to share them with our child. So, everyone knows that he/she will come to us from an orphanage. How he or she got there, if his/her parents are alive, if they have any blood-related siblings, etc. will be kept private. Yes, this does include YOU. YOU will not know these details.
This may seem weird to some people. I mean, we did share every detail about Carter's birth and life up until this point. But, what you need to understand is that there is no possible way that our child's story will be a happy one. Think about it. In what circumstance is a child going to an orphanage a happy story? Whether their parents are alive or not, they are no longer together. And, I can promise you that these children were not taken away from horrible parents who have mistreated them as might be the case in the U.S. There are far too many orphans for the government to be adding to the number through child protective services.
It's important for us to be able to share their story with them in age appropriate ways. We will never keep the details from our child. We will be as open as they want us to be, answering any questions they ask and encouraging them to feel comfortable talking about their birthparents and home country. We just don't want to find out that our friend's daughter accidentally said something to our child because our friend let something slip to her child. There are just certain conversations that a parent should have with their child. This is definitely one of them.
Just like when I was pregnant with Carter, I'm reading a lot and trying to prepare. I don't get people who just go through pregnancy thinking it will come naturally. I'm way too much of a planner. So, I'm reading different books on adoption, international adoption, bi-racial adoption, etc. I also spend at least 1/2 an hour each day reading other adoptive parents' blogs.
The blogs have been by far the most useful. I can tell you on average how long each step in the process takes based on their timelines. I get an idea of what bumps in the road we'll encounter and what to expect when we get to meet our child. It is on these blogs that I've read suggestions on important topics that I can then talk with Chris about. One of these is how much information we will share with others about our child's history.
I've read quite a few blog posts about this and after discussing it with Chris, we definitely agree without any doubt that we will NOT be sharing any details about our child's background with anyone until we are able to share them with our child. So, everyone knows that he/she will come to us from an orphanage. How he or she got there, if his/her parents are alive, if they have any blood-related siblings, etc. will be kept private. Yes, this does include YOU. YOU will not know these details.
This may seem weird to some people. I mean, we did share every detail about Carter's birth and life up until this point. But, what you need to understand is that there is no possible way that our child's story will be a happy one. Think about it. In what circumstance is a child going to an orphanage a happy story? Whether their parents are alive or not, they are no longer together. And, I can promise you that these children were not taken away from horrible parents who have mistreated them as might be the case in the U.S. There are far too many orphans for the government to be adding to the number through child protective services.
It's important for us to be able to share their story with them in age appropriate ways. We will never keep the details from our child. We will be as open as they want us to be, answering any questions they ask and encouraging them to feel comfortable talking about their birthparents and home country. We just don't want to find out that our friend's daughter accidentally said something to our child because our friend let something slip to her child. There are just certain conversations that a parent should have with their child. This is definitely one of them.
I-600A notification
One of my favorite things in the world right now is getting something adoption related in the mailbox! Yesterday was a good day for it as we got our notification that USCIS received our I-600A form. Now, we just want for another notice telling us when/where to get our fingerprints taken.
Please keep us in mind if you have extra prayers that we get our appointment soon!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
I-600A update
Nothing too big to report except that USCIS cashed our check on Thursday so... hopefully that means that this week we'll get a letter telling us that they are processing our request and maybe even give us a case number.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Are we Ghana or not?
This weekend has been torture for me. We decided Thursday night that we would move forward with adopting Little Miss, but we had a ton of questions. No problem, I would just talk with the agency the next morning. Turns out, that would be a problem.
Everyone was either too busy with meetings or out of the office so, I was asked to email my questions to the director and he will call me on Monday. Not a big deal until I tried to get "basic" information from the agency receptionist.
I asked how many adoptions from Ghana they had completed.
None. It's a pretty new program.
How long has the program been around?
About a year.
And no one has even gotten to go to court?
No, but they started at the beginning and had to do their homestudy, I-600A, etc.
So... a little bit of panic set in. I had already scoured the internet for information and knew that Ghana is fairly new to international adoptions. I think they highest number of adoptions from Ghana to the US in a year has been like 130. total. Ethiopia does like 11,000. So, I knew this, but for some reason I thought this would be different. We have already found our daughter and our dossier (our massive stack of paperwork) is basically done so - court date please. I guess not.
If you know me, you know I've been stressing all weekend. Is this our daughter or not? Can I get attached or not? Too late.
I'm going to talk with the director tomorrow and we will make our final decision. We will either pursue becoming the parents to the cutest little miss you ever did see, or we will stay our path to Ethiopia and anticipate at least 4 months of waiting once our dossier is complete.
God, we could use another sign please.
Everyone was either too busy with meetings or out of the office so, I was asked to email my questions to the director and he will call me on Monday. Not a big deal until I tried to get "basic" information from the agency receptionist.
I asked how many adoptions from Ghana they had completed.
None. It's a pretty new program.
How long has the program been around?
About a year.
And no one has even gotten to go to court?
No, but they started at the beginning and had to do their homestudy, I-600A, etc.
So... a little bit of panic set in. I had already scoured the internet for information and knew that Ghana is fairly new to international adoptions. I think they highest number of adoptions from Ghana to the US in a year has been like 130. total. Ethiopia does like 11,000. So, I knew this, but for some reason I thought this would be different. We have already found our daughter and our dossier (our massive stack of paperwork) is basically done so - court date please. I guess not.
If you know me, you know I've been stressing all weekend. Is this our daughter or not? Can I get attached or not? Too late.
I'm going to talk with the director tomorrow and we will make our final decision. We will either pursue becoming the parents to the cutest little miss you ever did see, or we will stay our path to Ethiopia and anticipate at least 4 months of waiting once our dossier is complete.
God, we could use another sign please.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Big day
I'm going to try my hardest to put today into words, but to do so, I have to tell you some back story.
So, one of Chris' cousins spent some life-changing time in Ghana this summer volunteering at an orphanage. It was at the same time that we decided to adopt from Ethiopia. When she returned, she had all sorts of photos and stories to share. She became pretty attached to two of the children in particular. A little boy and girl sibling group. After a lot of consideration, her parents felt compelled to try to bring the two home to live with them.
Here is where I enter the story.
I got to talking with Chris' aunt and suggested that they should get in touch with the agency doing our home study as they work with Ghana. There are actually very few agencies that work with Ghana as international adoption is not as common there. Time went by and we moved forward with our adoption process.
Now, we can get to today.
I got an email from Chris' aunt today that was a reply from the agency. They might be able to assist them in the hopes of adopting the sibling group, but just in case, he included 4 photos. 2 each of 2 perfect little people. A little girl (12 months) and a little boy (2 1/2).
I can't explain it, but I was immediately pulled to the little girl. The little boy was adorable as well. I called the director and after about 1/2 hour, was overwhelmed with the desire to try to adopt them. Unfortunately, they were not biological siblings and it is difficult to adopt non-related children so, my focus shifted to the little girl alone. I called Chris and spilled my guts and asked him to come home as earlier as he could.
He managed to make it home before 5 which is HUGE!!! We talked about it further and both felt that this must be God pulling us this direction. What are the odds that the person I referred his aunt to would recommend a child so perfect for us at this point in the process? We are far enough in to be moving forward, but not too far to have to backtrack much. We decided to move forward in hopes of adopting from Ghana. There is a lot to work out, but there are actually fewer steps in adopting from Ghana, it is just a little less stable process. So... pros and cons..
Cross your fingers and send some prayers that whatever God has planned for our family will be realized.
So, one of Chris' cousins spent some life-changing time in Ghana this summer volunteering at an orphanage. It was at the same time that we decided to adopt from Ethiopia. When she returned, she had all sorts of photos and stories to share. She became pretty attached to two of the children in particular. A little boy and girl sibling group. After a lot of consideration, her parents felt compelled to try to bring the two home to live with them.
Here is where I enter the story.
I got to talking with Chris' aunt and suggested that they should get in touch with the agency doing our home study as they work with Ghana. There are actually very few agencies that work with Ghana as international adoption is not as common there. Time went by and we moved forward with our adoption process.
Now, we can get to today.
I got an email from Chris' aunt today that was a reply from the agency. They might be able to assist them in the hopes of adopting the sibling group, but just in case, he included 4 photos. 2 each of 2 perfect little people. A little girl (12 months) and a little boy (2 1/2).
I can't explain it, but I was immediately pulled to the little girl. The little boy was adorable as well. I called the director and after about 1/2 hour, was overwhelmed with the desire to try to adopt them. Unfortunately, they were not biological siblings and it is difficult to adopt non-related children so, my focus shifted to the little girl alone. I called Chris and spilled my guts and asked him to come home as earlier as he could.
He managed to make it home before 5 which is HUGE!!! We talked about it further and both felt that this must be God pulling us this direction. What are the odds that the person I referred his aunt to would recommend a child so perfect for us at this point in the process? We are far enough in to be moving forward, but not too far to have to backtrack much. We decided to move forward in hopes of adopting from Ghana. There is a lot to work out, but there are actually fewer steps in adopting from Ghana, it is just a little less stable process. So... pros and cons..
Cross your fingers and send some prayers that whatever God has planned for our family will be realized.
Monday, November 15, 2010
I-600A delivered
Our I-600A was delivered this morning!!! We are really on our way now! Now, we just wait for our fingerprint appointments.
The Baby Shower
It occurred to me yesterday that although I've been updating this blog with the day-to-day activities of our adoption, I haven't shared much about what else is going on. You know, the "feeling" side of things. We really want this blog to help to the entire story to our new son or daughter so, I'm going to try to start sharing a bit more :)
Yesterday I attended a baby shower for a good friend. She is the perfect little pregnant lady - adorable! Her little bump (I guess it is pretty big now at 8 months) just makes her that much more beautiful and she shows it off with very fashionable clothing. It was a beautiful shower with great food, great games and great gifts! Also in attendance were 2 other pregnant women.
I ended up in a group chatting with all 3 of them at the same time and one non-preggers. At some point, the non-preggers looked at me surprised and said "you're pregnant too?!" (Someone must have said something about our new baby coming the same time as theirs). I had to respond "No, but we're expecting!"
Honestly, I love this not being pregnant thing. As they all complained (in a happy-I'm-pregnant sort of way) about their clothes not fitting, leg cramps, morning sickness and hot flashes, I was feeling great, healthy, normal. That said, pregnancy wasn't that bad with Carter and there are things that adoptive moms miss out on. People knowing your "pregnant" for example. Having your bump stick out there and have perfect strangers congratulate you on your upcoming addition. When you're pregnant, it is all that anyone wants to talk about with you. When you're adopting, it only comes up if the right question is asked and then, some people are uncomfortable asking questions or talking about. No one is uncomfortable asking your due date or if you've been sick when you're pregnant.
Standing in that group, it finally hit me that I'm "pregnant" and no one knows unless I tell them. It was kind of sad. I felt like a total outsider in a group of expectant mothers. 2 years from now, our kids will play together, but for now, I'm not really in the group.
Everyday I realize more pros and cons to adoption, but the cons NEVER outweigh the pros. And, everyday we get more excited about bring our newest home!
Yesterday I attended a baby shower for a good friend. She is the perfect little pregnant lady - adorable! Her little bump (I guess it is pretty big now at 8 months) just makes her that much more beautiful and she shows it off with very fashionable clothing. It was a beautiful shower with great food, great games and great gifts! Also in attendance were 2 other pregnant women.
I ended up in a group chatting with all 3 of them at the same time and one non-preggers. At some point, the non-preggers looked at me surprised and said "you're pregnant too?!" (Someone must have said something about our new baby coming the same time as theirs). I had to respond "No, but we're expecting!"
Honestly, I love this not being pregnant thing. As they all complained (in a happy-I'm-pregnant sort of way) about their clothes not fitting, leg cramps, morning sickness and hot flashes, I was feeling great, healthy, normal. That said, pregnancy wasn't that bad with Carter and there are things that adoptive moms miss out on. People knowing your "pregnant" for example. Having your bump stick out there and have perfect strangers congratulate you on your upcoming addition. When you're pregnant, it is all that anyone wants to talk about with you. When you're adopting, it only comes up if the right question is asked and then, some people are uncomfortable asking questions or talking about. No one is uncomfortable asking your due date or if you've been sick when you're pregnant.
Standing in that group, it finally hit me that I'm "pregnant" and no one knows unless I tell them. It was kind of sad. I felt like a total outsider in a group of expectant mothers. 2 years from now, our kids will play together, but for now, I'm not really in the group.
Everyday I realize more pros and cons to adoption, but the cons NEVER outweigh the pros. And, everyday we get more excited about bring our newest home!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Home study DONE!!!
Isn't it beautiful?! I almost cried when I saw it in our stack of mail. And, I only had to go to the mailbox twice today to check for it!!!
Now, as soon as Carter gets up from his nap, we are off to drop our UPS envelope in the drop-box!!!
Now, as soon as Carter gets up from his nap, we are off to drop our UPS envelope in the drop-box!!!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
The idiot
Who's the idiot who checked the mailbox 4 times today to see if her home study arrived?
Yep. Me.
I love veterans, I just wish the mailman would deliver the mail to my house before celebrating Veteran's Day :)
Yep. Me.
I love veterans, I just wish the mailman would deliver the mail to my house before celebrating Veteran's Day :)
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Next steps
Ok. So I know some of you are wondering "You've got the fingerprints, now what?" so, here is what is still ahead:
Our social worker is getting our home study and 6 copies printed by the agency that she contracts with (our agency said we need this many copies). Once done, we'll get a copy in the mail.
The very same day, I'll be sending the home study along with other paperwork (our I-600A) to the USCIS. Then, we wait.
Hopefully soon after, we will get a notice from the USCIS giving us a date/time/location for fingerprinting appointments - I know, here we go again! Once we pass the fingerprinting, they will send us our I-171. This is the final piece of paperwork that we need to complete our dossier!!!!!
We then send 2 documents to the secretary of state to be seal. When we get them back about a week later, we send our dossier to a courier in Washington D.C. who will take it to be authenticated by the embassy.
The paperwork is all sent to our agency and we are on THE WAIT LIST!!!!!!!!!
Long, confusing process. Please cross you fingers, toes and pray that we can buzz right through all of this and get on to that wait list!
From there, it should be 3-9 months until we are matched with our child.
Our social worker is getting our home study and 6 copies printed by the agency that she contracts with (our agency said we need this many copies). Once done, we'll get a copy in the mail.
The very same day, I'll be sending the home study along with other paperwork (our I-600A) to the USCIS. Then, we wait.
Hopefully soon after, we will get a notice from the USCIS giving us a date/time/location for fingerprinting appointments - I know, here we go again! Once we pass the fingerprinting, they will send us our I-171. This is the final piece of paperwork that we need to complete our dossier!!!!!
We then send 2 documents to the secretary of state to be seal. When we get them back about a week later, we send our dossier to a courier in Washington D.C. who will take it to be authenticated by the embassy.
The paperwork is all sent to our agency and we are on THE WAIT LIST!!!!!!!!!
Long, confusing process. Please cross you fingers, toes and pray that we can buzz right through all of this and get on to that wait list!
From there, it should be 3-9 months until we are matched with our child.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
New information
Here's a little update about a portion of the process that has changed a bit - our agency just sent this along to everyone "in-process"
1) Court Procedure- When the court process changed in May of this year, two court hearings were being scheduled. The purpose of the first one was to have the birth parent's testimony approved and to obtain approval from MOWA. The purpose of the second one was for the adoptive parents to verify that they have met their child and wish to proceed with the adoption. The adoption was then finalized.
As of last week, there is only one hearing automatically being scheduled. This hearing will include all aspects that that the two hearings originally covered. We are not sure exactly what this will look like but assume that the birth parent will complete their portion and then the adoptive parents will complete theirs after the birth parent has left the court room.
There are at least two benefits to this change. First of all, this will move the process along and ultimately allow your children to come home sooner because you will not need to wait for that second hearing. Secondly, the meeting between you and the birth parent would take place in Addis, at our AAI office, after the court hearing. This means less uncertainty with whether or not the birth parent meeting can take place than if you met them in the South.
The negative or risk with traveling to Ethiopia and attending this hearing is the slight possibility of the case not being approved and the permanently closed. This would be extremely rare, however, the risk is there.
If, for example, MOWA did not submit their letter of consent on time for the court hearing, this will be accepted later and neither the birth parent or the adoptive parents will need to re-appear in court. This result of this would be a possible delay in the case, although, this delay would typically be not more than a couple weeks.
If the adoptive family is not comfortable with the risk involved with having just the one hearing, the court is allowing, as of now anyway, a second hearing to be scheduled.
It will be at the time that you accept your referral that we will ask if you would like to attend the one hearing or if you would prefer that two hearings be scheduled.
2) Meeting Birth Parents - A couple months ago we were informed that, due to government restrictions and safety concerns, a birth parent meeting was not possible if your child was from the South and residing at EnatAlem or Africa Orphanage. We are pleased to tell you that in most cases, this meeting will be possible, afterall. As stated above, if you attend the court hearing the same day as the birth parent, this meeting will take place at our AAI office in Addis, after court. If you do not attend that hearing, we will do everything possible to make this meeting possible when you travel South on your trip.
3) The courts are requiring that both parents, if applicable,attend the court hearing. We were told initially that there would be exceptions to this requirement, but they would need to be extreme situations, such a inability to travel due to medical condition. The courts are now allowing "less extreme" exceptions. An example would be if you currently have 5 young children at home and it is very difficult for both parents to be away from home. There is not a set list of exceptions that will be accepted; it will need to be determined on a case by case basis.
1) Court Procedure- When the court process changed in May of this year, two court hearings were being scheduled. The purpose of the first one was to have the birth parent's testimony approved and to obtain approval from MOWA. The purpose of the second one was for the adoptive parents to verify that they have met their child and wish to proceed with the adoption. The adoption was then finalized.
As of last week, there is only one hearing automatically being scheduled. This hearing will include all aspects that that the two hearings originally covered. We are not sure exactly what this will look like but assume that the birth parent will complete their portion and then the adoptive parents will complete theirs after the birth parent has left the court room.
There are at least two benefits to this change. First of all, this will move the process along and ultimately allow your children to come home sooner because you will not need to wait for that second hearing. Secondly, the meeting between you and the birth parent would take place in Addis, at our AAI office, after the court hearing. This means less uncertainty with whether or not the birth parent meeting can take place than if you met them in the South.
The negative or risk with traveling to Ethiopia and attending this hearing is the slight possibility of the case not being approved and the permanently closed. This would be extremely rare, however, the risk is there.
If, for example, MOWA did not submit their letter of consent on time for the court hearing, this will be accepted later and neither the birth parent or the adoptive parents will need to re-appear in court. This result of this would be a possible delay in the case, although, this delay would typically be not more than a couple weeks.
If the adoptive family is not comfortable with the risk involved with having just the one hearing, the court is allowing, as of now anyway, a second hearing to be scheduled.
It will be at the time that you accept your referral that we will ask if you would like to attend the one hearing or if you would prefer that two hearings be scheduled.
2) Meeting Birth Parents - A couple months ago we were informed that, due to government restrictions and safety concerns, a birth parent meeting was not possible if your child was from the South and residing at EnatAlem or Africa Orphanage. We are pleased to tell you that in most cases, this meeting will be possible, afterall. As stated above, if you attend the court hearing the same day as the birth parent, this meeting will take place at our AAI office in Addis, after court. If you do not attend that hearing, we will do everything possible to make this meeting possible when you travel South on your trip.
3) The courts are requiring that both parents, if applicable,attend the court hearing. We were told initially that there would be exceptions to this requirement, but they would need to be extreme situations, such a inability to travel due to medical condition. The courts are now allowing "less extreme" exceptions. An example would be if you currently have 5 young children at home and it is very difficult for both parents to be away from home. There is not a set list of exceptions that will be accepted; it will need to be determined on a case by case basis.
Friday, October 29, 2010
A good place to be
Lately I've been catching myself thinking of how great I have it! This is by no means a bad thing, don't get me wrong. I've just been appreciating everyday of this "paper pregnancy". I have a couple of friends who are pregnant and look oh-so-adorable with their bumps. There is a little twinge inside me thinking of being pregnant with Carter, but it quickly disappears as they talk about discomfort, morning sickness, sleeplessness, etc.
Carter was an easy baby from the get-go. No morning sickness, in fact, the only way I knew I was pregnant was that I was exhausted. The same went for the following two pregnancies. The first couple of months, all I wanted to do was sleep. This "pregnancy" is such a nice change! Almost 2 1/2 months in and I'm full of energy. With Carter down to one nap each day, I'm able to workout every morning. He is at such a great age! It's like I just have a little buddy to hang with now. He understands everything I say and responds to me. Up until a couple of months ago, it sometimes felt like I was talking to myself: "do you want a PBJ sandwich?"
I'm looking forward to the next 12 months or so. Even though the waiting will be hard, everyday without our new little person is another day that I get to spend giving Carter all my attention. I'm going to try hard to keep this my focus and not worry away this valuable time with Carter.
This is funny. No really, it is.
The fingerprints were done on Wednesday so, why does the UPS tracking number say they haven't been sent yet? Another call to the FBI confirms that it could take them up to a week to mail them once completed. Yep, even with a prepaid envelope, it takes them a week after they clear you to do God knows what and mail your results.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Hip Hip Hooray!
Our fingerprints are on their way to our social worker!!!! I called to check and was told that they were processed yesterday, but when I checked the UPS tracking number, it didn't show that they have moved yet so, I'm crossing my fingers that someone forgot to scan the package and they will arrive tomorrow :)
Monday, October 25, 2010
Rescued
Sweet Diana at the FBI called today to say they found our prints and are going to process them! They searched and have rescued them! All other paperwork is ready in a paid UPS envelope to go out the day they arrive!
Friday, October 22, 2010
GREAT news!!!
I just got a call from the FBI. Normally, a person would not consider this a great thing, but today, today it was truly GREAT! Sweet, kind, nice Diana called to let me now that they will be expediting our fingerprint requests thanks to Patty Murray, our senator, making the request.
Diana thought we didn't have a tracking number so, she was going to ask me to redo the prints and FedEx them straight to her, but I DID have a tracking number. So, we are now in what she called "search and rescue" which means that she will send our information to a person who handles congressional requests and will use our tracking number to locate our file and get the prints processed!
Just as we thought, the process itself doesn't take long, but they are so backlogged that they have 8-10 weeks of mail waiting in line to be processed. So, now they can get our file out of the line and take it to the front!
I'm just so excited that the end of this wait is in sight! Depending on when we actually get the results back (and you know I sent a prepaid overnight UPS return envelope), we just cut the wait by 3-6 weeks.
Did you just hear my huge sigh of relief?
Wow. I need to go back through our paperwork AGAIN to make sure the day we get the finalized hardcopy home study with the fingerprints, the next batch of paperwork goes in the mail!
Diana thought we didn't have a tracking number so, she was going to ask me to redo the prints and FedEx them straight to her, but I DID have a tracking number. So, we are now in what she called "search and rescue" which means that she will send our information to a person who handles congressional requests and will use our tracking number to locate our file and get the prints processed!
Just as we thought, the process itself doesn't take long, but they are so backlogged that they have 8-10 weeks of mail waiting in line to be processed. So, now they can get our file out of the line and take it to the front!
I'm just so excited that the end of this wait is in sight! Depending on when we actually get the results back (and you know I sent a prepaid overnight UPS return envelope), we just cut the wait by 3-6 weeks.
Did you just hear my huge sigh of relief?
Wow. I need to go back through our paperwork AGAIN to make sure the day we get the finalized hardcopy home study with the fingerprints, the next batch of paperwork goes in the mail!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
We're still here
The home study is pretty much done at this point and we are just waiting on the fingerprints. I called the FBI again this week and was told it's taking 8-10 weeks. This would be GREAT as we are closing in on the 8 week mark, but the guy last week told me 12 so.... I'm not getting my hopes up.
I also wrote to our senator and asked her to expedite the process for us. She (or someone who works for her) responded and said that they sent in a request on my behalf. Honestly, I think even if they got the request, they wouldn't be able to process it. They don't even have record of us yet which means, our envelope is in a pile somewhere and won't be "in the system" until the day they process the request.
It's so disappointing that it is the US government that holds up this process.
That said, we were reminded the other day that while we are going through all of this, our child's mother is likely already expecting. She and our child need any extra prayers you may have that God watches over and protects them during this difficult time.
I also wrote to our senator and asked her to expedite the process for us. She (or someone who works for her) responded and said that they sent in a request on my behalf. Honestly, I think even if they got the request, they wouldn't be able to process it. They don't even have record of us yet which means, our envelope is in a pile somewhere and won't be "in the system" until the day they process the request.
It's so disappointing that it is the US government that holds up this process.
That said, we were reminded the other day that while we are going through all of this, our child's mother is likely already expecting. She and our child need any extra prayers you may have that God watches over and protects them during this difficult time.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
A bit frustrated
It started with the home study which went fine and our social worker actually got her part done the very same day. This excitement was damped when I confirmed that we do have to wait for the national fingerprinting while almost everyone else gets to just do a state clearance which takes 1-2 weeks. I called the FBI to check the status and was told that instead of the 8-10 long weeks we had planned, it is now 12 weeks. So, the soonest we would get our results will be the first week of December.
I was fine with the waiting that we would have to do in this adoption process, but I'm not OK with THIS waiting. It just isn't fair that because of the agency doing our home study in Washington has decided they want the national clearance, we are being punished with an additional 2 months more than anyone else would be waiting. Other agencies in Washington have confirmed that they would only do the state clearance for the home study. Even worse, the USCIS fees goes up by about $150 for us November 23rd so, we can look forward to paying that increase now too.
I get nauseous just thinking about it.
If that wasn't bad enough, I recently had Chris mail a package of documents to our agency in Michigan to have them review prior to our filing. Of course, I used FedEx. I wanted to be sure it could be tracked since it has duplicated of very important personal information (birth certificates, marriage certificate, social security, you name it, it was in there). I got online to track the package today and it shows that it has not shipped. I call Chris and he confirms that it was sent.
I call FedEx and the guy says: "it looks like you haven't sent it yet."
Me: "Ummm. yeah.. that's why I'm calling you freaking out right now."
Longer story shorter, they did find my package about 20 minutes later. It was delivered and FedEx just decided to give it a completely random new tracking number. I started to ask the lady on the phone how to avoid this in the future, but stopped myself. I'll avoid it by NOT using FedEx.
I'm calming down a bit now. I just have this vision of God up in the clouds with puppet strings laughing his head off. I'm sure he's thinking "At some point, all my lessons for her will pay off and this one will finally learn to have some patience and a bit more faith."
Not funny, God.
I was fine with the waiting that we would have to do in this adoption process, but I'm not OK with THIS waiting. It just isn't fair that because of the agency doing our home study in Washington has decided they want the national clearance, we are being punished with an additional 2 months more than anyone else would be waiting. Other agencies in Washington have confirmed that they would only do the state clearance for the home study. Even worse, the USCIS fees goes up by about $150 for us November 23rd so, we can look forward to paying that increase now too.
I get nauseous just thinking about it.
If that wasn't bad enough, I recently had Chris mail a package of documents to our agency in Michigan to have them review prior to our filing. Of course, I used FedEx. I wanted to be sure it could be tracked since it has duplicated of very important personal information (birth certificates, marriage certificate, social security, you name it, it was in there). I got online to track the package today and it shows that it has not shipped. I call Chris and he confirms that it was sent.
I call FedEx and the guy says: "it looks like you haven't sent it yet."
Me: "Ummm. yeah.. that's why I'm calling you freaking out right now."
Longer story shorter, they did find my package about 20 minutes later. It was delivered and FedEx just decided to give it a completely random new tracking number. I started to ask the lady on the phone how to avoid this in the future, but stopped myself. I'll avoid it by NOT using FedEx.
I'm calming down a bit now. I just have this vision of God up in the clouds with puppet strings laughing his head off. I'm sure he's thinking "At some point, all my lessons for her will pay off and this one will finally learn to have some patience and a bit more faith."
Not funny, God.
Monday, October 4, 2010
We're going to have 2 children
Common sense statement, I realize, but it really hit me the other night.
Carter was pretty sick with a cold and had a horrible time sleeping. He woke up a bit before midnight, hot & sweaty, unable to breath through his nose, and just needing to be held. I felt so badly for him imagining how it feels to have the worst cold and then not be able to blow your nose or take more than Tylenol. The poor guy felt so horribly that he let me just rock him in the dark of his room (if you know Carter, this NEVER happens).
We finally got him back to sleep, but I was left awake thinking about our soon-to-be baby. The way the process works, once you get a referral (being matched with a child), you have to wait a month or two for your court date. You then travel to Ethiopia and go to court and then, fly home and await your Embassy date. The wait could be another month or two or it could be a couple of weeks, you never know.
The first bit of waiting, knowing who our child is and just having to wait for court, will be hard enough, but after you pass court, the child is yours in the eyes of the Ethiopia government. So basically, OUR child will be waiting for us in an orphanage just because we are not there to take him/her out of the orphanage.
I'm not worried about his/her safely really. The orphanages are well run and the children are well cared for as best they can be with the number of staff they have. I just kept thinking the other night, who will hold and comfort our child when he/she has a bad cold while we are in our nice warm home waiting for our Embassy date? Shouldn't that be me? The child will be OURS by then, shouldn't it be mommy holding them in the middle of the night?
But what about Carter? I couldn't possibly leave Carter for weeks!
That's when it hit me. We will have 2 children. Our lives will no longer be about just Carter. They will be about our children. I can't leave Carter will family who love him for a few weeks, but I can leave our infant alone in another country where food, electricity, clean water and medical attention are scarce?
Obviously there are some things to work out to see if this is even a possibility, but if the possibility exists for one of us to stay with our baby while we wait for the Embassy clearance, we may need a bit more help from all of you then we had anticipated.
Carter was pretty sick with a cold and had a horrible time sleeping. He woke up a bit before midnight, hot & sweaty, unable to breath through his nose, and just needing to be held. I felt so badly for him imagining how it feels to have the worst cold and then not be able to blow your nose or take more than Tylenol. The poor guy felt so horribly that he let me just rock him in the dark of his room (if you know Carter, this NEVER happens).
We finally got him back to sleep, but I was left awake thinking about our soon-to-be baby. The way the process works, once you get a referral (being matched with a child), you have to wait a month or two for your court date. You then travel to Ethiopia and go to court and then, fly home and await your Embassy date. The wait could be another month or two or it could be a couple of weeks, you never know.
The first bit of waiting, knowing who our child is and just having to wait for court, will be hard enough, but after you pass court, the child is yours in the eyes of the Ethiopia government. So basically, OUR child will be waiting for us in an orphanage just because we are not there to take him/her out of the orphanage.
I'm not worried about his/her safely really. The orphanages are well run and the children are well cared for as best they can be with the number of staff they have. I just kept thinking the other night, who will hold and comfort our child when he/she has a bad cold while we are in our nice warm home waiting for our Embassy date? Shouldn't that be me? The child will be OURS by then, shouldn't it be mommy holding them in the middle of the night?
But what about Carter? I couldn't possibly leave Carter for weeks!
That's when it hit me. We will have 2 children. Our lives will no longer be about just Carter. They will be about our children. I can't leave Carter will family who love him for a few weeks, but I can leave our infant alone in another country where food, electricity, clean water and medical attention are scarce?
Obviously there are some things to work out to see if this is even a possibility, but if the possibility exists for one of us to stay with our baby while we wait for the Embassy clearance, we may need a bit more help from all of you then we had anticipated.
Homestudy done - sort of...
We had our 2nd and final meeting with our social worker today to answer the remaining questions needed to complete the homestudy report. From here, she will complete the report (about a week), email it to our agency for review and feedback (maybe a week?), and then give it to her agency for review, feedback and printing of the 7 final copies (probably a week)!
Very exciting, but we will likely still be waiting on our FBI fingerprinting results to come back even after all of this is done. I'm a bit frustrated by this as our agency has told us that most states do not do the full FBI fingerprinting for the homestudy as we have to do it for immigration at the next stage. So, we're being held up just because our social worker thinks we need the fingerprints. We haven't been able to find anything that states that we actually need them..
Very exciting, but we will likely still be waiting on our FBI fingerprinting results to come back even after all of this is done. I'm a bit frustrated by this as our agency has told us that most states do not do the full FBI fingerprinting for the homestudy as we have to do it for immigration at the next stage. So, we're being held up just because our social worker thinks we need the fingerprints. We haven't been able to find anything that states that we actually need them..
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Whew! Close one!
So, we're still just waiting. Waiting for our next home study meeting, waiting for our fingerprinting results, waiting... I was going over our paperwork AGAIN today and started looking into the whole getting our papers "sealed" by the state.
The state seal is basically, if I have this correct, having the state verify the notarization that you got. So, if you have something notarized in another state, you would have to have that document sealed by that state.
Apparently, some states will seal just the two documents that need to be sealed. Others insist on sealing everything. What this means is 1) a lot more money ($15 per document sealed) 2) Having to get our two letters of recommendation sealed in other states.
Luckily, I called our State Seal office today and they can seal just the two documents as long as I redo one of the documents taking out a sentence that implies that the other documents are attached.. So, retyping and a new notarization instead of dealing with two other states for seal.
The state seal is basically, if I have this correct, having the state verify the notarization that you got. So, if you have something notarized in another state, you would have to have that document sealed by that state.
Apparently, some states will seal just the two documents that need to be sealed. Others insist on sealing everything. What this means is 1) a lot more money ($15 per document sealed) 2) Having to get our two letters of recommendation sealed in other states.
Luckily, I called our State Seal office today and they can seal just the two documents as long as I redo one of the documents taking out a sentence that implies that the other documents are attached.. So, retyping and a new notarization instead of dealing with two other states for seal.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
How to help
The more I learn about Ethiopia, the more I want to find some way to help and to stay connected long after we bring our child home. To that end, I started researching to try to find an organization that Chris and I can commit to rather than sending donations to many different organizations.
I came across Project Mercy, and was impressed by their approach. They are more focused on teaching the people to fish than just giving them fish. Their organization focuses on all areas of need: education for children, medical care, life skills for adults, and a home for AIDS orphans.
Check them out for yourself. Some of you have expressed an interest in volunteering in Ethiopia. This group appears to have a structured, safe volunteer opportunity that would be worth looking into.
I came across Project Mercy, and was impressed by their approach. They are more focused on teaching the people to fish than just giving them fish. Their organization focuses on all areas of need: education for children, medical care, life skills for adults, and a home for AIDS orphans.
Check them out for yourself. Some of you have expressed an interest in volunteering in Ethiopia. This group appears to have a structured, safe volunteer opportunity that would be worth looking into.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Home study meeting #1
We've completed our first home study visit!! For those that don't know, the home study is basically a report about the family and the home which is used to determine if you will be allowed to adopt. It starts with paperwork - birth certificates, marriage certificate, child abuse background checks for every state you've live in within the past ten years or so, a financial statement about our situation, doctor's letters stating you're healthy, etc.
Then, your social worker comes to your house to check it out and make sure you really know what you are trying to get yourself into. We talked about the training we completed (10 required hours of training to adopt, but our agency wanted 12), our parenting styles, what Carter is like, how we met, what our marriage is like, and more and more and more. She was here for 3 hours and that wasn't enough time so, we'll be meeting again in a couple of weeks.
Our social worker is really nice and really on tops of things! She gets that we want to move as quickly as possible to get on the wait list! The biggest hold up on everything is that in order to complete the home study, we have to have the results of our FBI fingerprinting which we sent in about 2 weeks ago. The fingerprinting results are currently taking 8-10 WEEKS! So, hopefully, we'll have the home study report done and approved by both our social worker's agency and our adoption agency and ready to be in the mail the minute that the results come back.
From there, we do our USCIS stuff which is needed to complete our dossier. I'll go into more detail about those items when we get there.
For now, our home study is under way!
Then, your social worker comes to your house to check it out and make sure you really know what you are trying to get yourself into. We talked about the training we completed (10 required hours of training to adopt, but our agency wanted 12), our parenting styles, what Carter is like, how we met, what our marriage is like, and more and more and more. She was here for 3 hours and that wasn't enough time so, we'll be meeting again in a couple of weeks.
Our social worker is really nice and really on tops of things! She gets that we want to move as quickly as possible to get on the wait list! The biggest hold up on everything is that in order to complete the home study, we have to have the results of our FBI fingerprinting which we sent in about 2 weeks ago. The fingerprinting results are currently taking 8-10 WEEKS! So, hopefully, we'll have the home study report done and approved by both our social worker's agency and our adoption agency and ready to be in the mail the minute that the results come back.
From there, we do our USCIS stuff which is needed to complete our dossier. I'll go into more detail about those items when we get there.
For now, our home study is under way!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Paperwork details
So, some want to know - what exactly is all this paperwork? Well... here is a list of SOME of it:
ALL OF THIS HAS TO BE NOTARIZED
Power of Attorney - so that our agency can move faster for us if needed
Dossier Affidavit - Table of contents for all paperwork stating it is the original
Obligation of Follow-up Report: promise to send reports on the child to Ethiopia
Financial Statement - our financial situation
Birth Certificates - certified copies
Marriage Certificate - certified copy
Police Clearances - from the sheriff's department, can only be obtained in-person
Insurance Certificate - showing that we have insurance and so will our child
Two Personal Letters of Recommendation
One Employer Reference Letter
Attestation of Personal Conditions - a letter of who we are and our understanding of adoption
Health Certificates - from our doctors following blood tests
Declaration of Willingness - again stating that we want to adopt
Application of Adoptive Parents - asking permission from Ethiopian government to adopt
ALL OF THIS HAS TO BE NOTARIZED
Power of Attorney - so that our agency can move faster for us if needed
Dossier Affidavit - Table of contents for all paperwork stating it is the original
Obligation of Follow-up Report: promise to send reports on the child to Ethiopia
Financial Statement - our financial situation
Birth Certificates - certified copies
Marriage Certificate - certified copy
Police Clearances - from the sheriff's department, can only be obtained in-person
Insurance Certificate - showing that we have insurance and so will our child
Two Personal Letters of Recommendation
One Employer Reference Letter
Attestation of Personal Conditions - a letter of who we are and our understanding of adoption
Health Certificates - from our doctors following blood tests
Declaration of Willingness - again stating that we want to adopt
Application of Adoptive Parents - asking permission from Ethiopian government to adopt
LIke I said... this is SOME of the paperwork. This doesn't include the home study paperwork and its 12 hours of adoption training and homework.
It also does not included the USCIS paperwork which is more forms and copies proving who we are.
Its a lot of work, but honestly, the world would be a better place if everyone had to work this hard to have a baby.
Our not so secret blog
We started this blog when we started our adoption journey. Today, we announced our plans on our family blog so, there doesn't seem to be a reason to keep this one password protected anymore!
If you're new here, you might want to start at the beginning - there aren't too many posts. That way you can read our FAQ post and the answers to some of the questions spinning in your head right now!
If you're new here, you might want to start at the beginning - there aren't too many posts. That way you can read our FAQ post and the answers to some of the questions spinning in your head right now!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
More paperwork THE paperwork
are going to go into our hurry mode again followed by some occasional
waiting times and then finally we we do the real waiting on the wait
list. Right now, we are still trying to prove that we would be good
parents.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Suggested reading
I just finished reading "There is no me without you" and I have say,
it is one if the best books I've ever read.
it is one if the best books I've ever read.
The book is a true story of an Ethiopian woman who starting taking in
orphans off the street because they had nowhere else to go. She didn't
have the room or the money to support them, but she took them in
nonetheless.
Now, to elaborate... This is not a warm-fuzzy book (although there are
numerous parts that are mushy and make you want to hug the closest
person to you and cry tears of joy). Overall, this is a devastating
book. It is a call to action or at least, it was for me.
Its 427 pages kept me awake at night. Not wanting to put it down, but
then, giving into exhaustion and turning off the light, the images
described in the book ran through my mind.
What has made an even stronger impact is that all the events in this
book take place between 1998 and 2006. While I was reading and would
see a date, I would automatically remember what I was doing at that
time.
What started as a way to get to know more about the country that our
child is being born into, has become a strong desire to do more. You
can't just adopt a child from Ethiopia and call it good. From this day
forward, Ethiopia will be a huge part of our lives.
I would encourage anyone to read this book especially those who will
be closest to our children to really understand the heritage of our
expectant child.
Be prepared to be moved.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Passport expedited
blank passport. It was always fun to look at all my stamps to remember
where I've been. No, you cannot see my passport photo.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Fingerprinting
So, it sounds like the paperwork chase will take at least 2 months to complete all due to the FBI fingerprinting. We have to hurry up and get it done and then wait 8-10 weeks for the results. Once we have the results, we can send in our I-600a and wait some more to be able to take more fingerprints and then get the final paperwork to be on THE wait list.
I was able to get my prints done today, but Chris just couldn't get out of the office. You can only do it 2 days/week for about 4 hours each day so, Chris has to wait until Tuesday now!
I was able to get my prints done today, but Chris just couldn't get out of the office. You can only do it 2 days/week for about 4 hours each day so, Chris has to wait until Tuesday now!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Just an update
Yesterday I talked with our home study agent and we are all set to meet later this month. She'll be sending a packet of paperwork (shocker) that we need to complete prior to the meeting.
Today, I spoke with our new agency and they emailed me a tons of paperwork. I filled it out ridiculously fast and met Chris at work to have him sign everything. Now, I just need a couple of photos and it will be in the mail to the agency. This will be the "Formal Application".
Today, I spoke with our new agency and they emailed me a tons of paperwork. I filled it out ridiculously fast and met Chris at work to have him sign everything. Now, I just need a couple of photos and it will be in the mail to the agency. This will be the "Formal Application".
Monday, August 30, 2010
Big changes already
Prior to signing up with our current agency, I called and asked them about the timeline for our adoption. We were told 18-24 months. Wow. Longer than we thought. We had thought 12-18 months, but we knew we'd be as quick with the paperwork as possible so, we'd be on the 18 months side of things.
Fast forward a week, a bunch of paperwork and a significant payment. I called to talk about the process since we had not spoken to anyone or received information about the actual process (of course, we already knew the process from research and others blogs, but I wanted to hear them walk me through it). The woman on the phone, who seems rushed and in a hurry to get off the phone me, let me know that from the time the paperwork is submitted, it would take 18-24 months of waiting to be matched! Then, another 8 months to bring our baby home.
Basically, we'd be adopting 2 - 2 1/2 years from now.
I'm all about "let go and let God" but that was such a huge difference from the 1 - 1 1/2 years to bring our baby home. I fretted about it all weekend and Chris and I decided to call another agency first thing Monday morning. Sure enough, they are processing in the 12-18 month range because they work with 5 orphanages instead of 1. They were also much more friendly.
That was it. I called the other agency and we'll be pulling out from there and starting with this new agency today!
Fast forward a week, a bunch of paperwork and a significant payment. I called to talk about the process since we had not spoken to anyone or received information about the actual process (of course, we already knew the process from research and others blogs, but I wanted to hear them walk me through it). The woman on the phone, who seems rushed and in a hurry to get off the phone me, let me know that from the time the paperwork is submitted, it would take 18-24 months of waiting to be matched! Then, another 8 months to bring our baby home.
Basically, we'd be adopting 2 - 2 1/2 years from now.
I'm all about "let go and let God" but that was such a huge difference from the 1 - 1 1/2 years to bring our baby home. I fretted about it all weekend and Chris and I decided to call another agency first thing Monday morning. Sure enough, they are processing in the 12-18 month range because they work with 5 orphanages instead of 1. They were also much more friendly.
That was it. I called the other agency and we'll be pulling out from there and starting with this new agency today!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Shoes!
With my mind constantly on Ethiopia lately, I couldn't help by grab up these flip flops from the clearance rack on Michael's today. They were only $.40 each pair. Surely, we could afford a few pair of shoes for orphans at $.40 each! If you're so inclined, you could run to your Michael's and do the same. I'll be happy to take them with us on our trip or mail them along with mine to children in need.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
First payment
We made our first payment (other than the application fee) today to cover our homestudy and the agency's fees. There's no going back now!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
FAQs
Although we haven't shared our news with many people, we do already have a list of some frequently asked questions. Why not just answer them here?
So, you've given up on having biological children?
No. We will likely try again at some point to have a biological child, but this is the path that we feel is right for us.
How long will it take to get your baby?
This is variable depending on the age and sex of the child we are looking for, how quickly we get our paperwork completed and any delays in paperwork caused by the government or anyone else.. We are hoping to have our baby within 12-18 months from now.
Did you request a girl?!
Nope. We decided that God decided if we were getting a boy or girl last time so, He should decide this time as well.
How old will be the baby be?
We requested a child 0-6 months of age. What this means is, at the time we are matched with a child, he/she will be 0-6 month of age. From the time we are matched, it could take up to 6 months to bring him/her home so, we think that our baby will be 12 months old at the oldest upon returning home, but we really think we'll likely have a 7-10 month old when it is all said and done.
Do you have to go to Ethiopia?
Yes, we get to go to Ethiopia at least once for our court date after we have been matched with a child. We will very likely return again a month or so later to bring our baby home. You can have the agency bring them, but the only reason to do that is to save money so, we'll just see what our piggy bank looks like at that time since we'd really like to be able to bring our baby home ourselves.
Will Carter go with you?
No. The trip will take roughly 30 hours which would not be enjoyable for any of us AND, Carter will be 2 by the time we travel so, we'd have to buy him a seat as well which make the trip more costly. Instead, he'll get to spend the week playing carefree with relatives.
Why International?
We met with an agency and talked about domestic adoption. It sounded like we were good candidates and would be selected by a birthmother quickly, but it would be an open adoption. While we think open adoption is a great situation for many people, having 4 visits a year with a birthmother made us uncomfortable when we thought about our family dynamics. How would Carter respond when it was time for his brother or sister to see their "other family"?
With an international program, we may still have contact with the birth family if they are available, but day-to-day, it would just be our little family together which we feel will help us form the bond they we all already have together.
Also, we feel that the children in the U.S. have more resources available than those in Ethiopia. The foster care programs may not be great, but they are often better than an orphan living along on the street.
Why Ethiopia?
In the beginning there wasn't much of a reason.. I researched and read a lot of blogs of families who had adopted who had a smooth process. The agency we are using works directly with the orphanage which takes exceptional care of the children due to the resources that the agency is able to provide. We liked knowing that our baby is safe and in loving arms while we wait to be able to get him/her.
Since then, I've done even more research and have started reading some books. Wow. Just looks at the statistics on our sidebar. Why not Ethiopia?
So, you've given up on having biological children?
No. We will likely try again at some point to have a biological child, but this is the path that we feel is right for us.
How long will it take to get your baby?
This is variable depending on the age and sex of the child we are looking for, how quickly we get our paperwork completed and any delays in paperwork caused by the government or anyone else.. We are hoping to have our baby within 12-18 months from now.
Did you request a girl?!
Nope. We decided that God decided if we were getting a boy or girl last time so, He should decide this time as well.
How old will be the baby be?
We requested a child 0-6 months of age. What this means is, at the time we are matched with a child, he/she will be 0-6 month of age. From the time we are matched, it could take up to 6 months to bring him/her home so, we think that our baby will be 12 months old at the oldest upon returning home, but we really think we'll likely have a 7-10 month old when it is all said and done.
Do you have to go to Ethiopia?
Yes, we get to go to Ethiopia at least once for our court date after we have been matched with a child. We will very likely return again a month or so later to bring our baby home. You can have the agency bring them, but the only reason to do that is to save money so, we'll just see what our piggy bank looks like at that time since we'd really like to be able to bring our baby home ourselves.
Will Carter go with you?
No. The trip will take roughly 30 hours which would not be enjoyable for any of us AND, Carter will be 2 by the time we travel so, we'd have to buy him a seat as well which make the trip more costly. Instead, he'll get to spend the week playing carefree with relatives.
Why International?
We met with an agency and talked about domestic adoption. It sounded like we were good candidates and would be selected by a birthmother quickly, but it would be an open adoption. While we think open adoption is a great situation for many people, having 4 visits a year with a birthmother made us uncomfortable when we thought about our family dynamics. How would Carter respond when it was time for his brother or sister to see their "other family"?
With an international program, we may still have contact with the birth family if they are available, but day-to-day, it would just be our little family together which we feel will help us form the bond they we all already have together.
Also, we feel that the children in the U.S. have more resources available than those in Ethiopia. The foster care programs may not be great, but they are often better than an orphan living along on the street.
Why Ethiopia?
In the beginning there wasn't much of a reason.. I researched and read a lot of blogs of families who had adopted who had a smooth process. The agency we are using works directly with the orphanage which takes exceptional care of the children due to the resources that the agency is able to provide. We liked knowing that our baby is safe and in loving arms while we wait to be able to get him/her.
Since then, I've done even more research and have started reading some books. Wow. Just looks at the statistics on our sidebar. Why not Ethiopia?
A delivery!!!
I've heard that the adoption waiting game can get crazy, but so soon, really? Since I found out that our references were contacted on Friday, I was really hoping to get our own packet in the mail Saturday, but no. Monday, I went to the mailbox to check and sure enough, there it was! So, it arrived very quickly, but it was all I could think about all weekend!!!
Chris and I dove right in and went through the whole packet. We'll be mailing off most of it today and have scheduled a doctor's appointment for Friday when we'll mail the remaining information.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Moving right along!
We've told all the "need-to-knows"and the reference requests have already been sent out by the agency and received by our 4 references. We definitely chose the right people! They all got it on Friday and have already started working on it!
I'm having a hard time waiting so, I did a little research and found out that we'll need some certified copies of our birth certificates and marriage certificate so... in the mail the forms will go tomorrow! I'm also sending in the paperwork for my new passport since I never bothed to do it when I changed my name.
We're just so excited! We can't wait to get the next packet in the mail!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
DAY One: Application
Today we put our application in the mail to the adoption agency! We are so excited to get moving forward. We've decided to only tell the bare minimum people - need-to-know-basis. So, this blog will remain private until we decide to let EVERYONE know. For the time being, it's just a private space for Chris and I to log our thoughts and feelings during this process.
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