Emotionally drained after just 3 1/2 months

It exhausts me just thinking about writing this post, but if we really want to capture this journey for our child, I need to document the craziness that has been this past week.

So, just a couple weeks ago life was great. We were slowly moving along the long adoption process, but moving. Then, I get the email that put a face to the process and it has been downhill since. She was presented as a child needing a family and we are a family needing a child. Perfect. Ah, but then there is the agency. Turns out, they are completely unprofessional and have not yet completed an adoption in Ghana. China sure, but Ghana, no.

OK... We'll just go with the flow a bit.

Nope. Turns out when we do that, nothing happens on their end. We are more than 2 weeks from the day that we saw her photo and exactly NOTHING has happened. The agency supposedly requested information on her and sent our application along to the regional director, but really they just asked the guy in Ghana to get the information and pass along our application. As far as we can tell, he did neither. So, with some pushing from me, our agency said they would get in touch with him. That was 3 days ago. I finally heard back tonight only to be told that I was right - nothing has happened, but they have asked him AGAIN and he said he'll do it on Monday.

I keep asking God for a sign. Is THIS our little girl? Are we supposed to take a huge leap of faith with this agency even though they seem a bit shady in order to build our family? Then it hit me: aren't these signs?

We fell in love with a little girl that we thought was meant to be ours, but everyday since, we have hit a road block. Is it possible that she was just a sign from God that our child is in Ghana and we need to focus there and not Ethiopia and now, he continues to give me signs that this sweet girl is not the one? It's like, he gives subtle little hints and if you don't pay attention, he'll smack you upside the head so that you DO listen. Do we push on and see if we get the ultimate smack - losing her and a ton of money further down the road?

OR are we just being test in our faith? Does God want to see how badly we will fight for her?