Eric Ludy - Depraved Indifference

There isn't much I can say about this video. It is very powerful all by itself. I have balled my eyes out both time I've watched it so, let that be your warning. It is a bit long, but it hits hard for parents about 2 minutes in...

We started this process to adopt a "baby". We are now more open to what God might have planned for us. Please watch this video before deciding we are crazy or asking what we are thinking considering a child who isn't an infant.

If you are moved to do so, there is a link to Ujimacare Foundation to the right. They are in the process of building an orphanage in Ghana which will be the first orphanage in the entire region and therefore, the first place that many children will ever call home. You can see photos of their progress here.

Anti-climatic

All over the web you can see adoptive parents' referral videos. They are sitting in front of a computer and burst into tears when they first see a photo of their little one.

Don't think that is likely to happen to us.

So, after dealing with the headaches that are adoption agencies, I decided to simply contact an organization in Ghana that works in many ways to help orphans. One way that they help, is to work with US adoption agencies to find homes for children who truly need them. These children often aren't even living in an orphanage. They are living with a relative who can hardly feed themselves let alone an additional small child.

Independent adoption is legal in Ghana and we have all the necessary paperwork since the last agency told us what we need so, what not skip the middle-man that causes so much headache? The main concern with our adoption is that it is done ethically and legally. I feel very confident with this organization in Ghana so, eliminating the US agency allows us to cut out someone who might not be as ethical. So, last week, I contacted the organization in Ghana and they agreed to work with us!!!

Things have still been a bit fuzzy and slow, but at least now I know where the hang up is if I don't get an answer.

Back to the referral thing... this organization is just like any other non-profit, overworked. I was told about a little girl last Wednesday and today got an email with her photo. Nothing else, just her photo. I had to write back and ask if this was the little girl we talked about as he had mentioned 2 little girls who had little brothers. Was this one of them? Was this a new little girl? Where was the brother?

It will all get sorted out in time, but there is a chance that I saw a photo of our daughter today. it is weird to think that I saw her face and didn't know it was her. When you deliver at the hospital BOOM, there is their little face and they are yours. When you get a referral through and agency, you open the email knowing that the little person you see is meant to be yours.

Yep.. this was a bit different.

Fingerprints done!

When we first heard that our appointment with USCIS would be December 22nd, it seemed SOOOOO far away! Now, I can't believe we have it all behind us.

I expected a DMV or Social Security office situation, but was pleasantly surprised when we arrived at our appointment. We were able to park RIGHT in front of the building and the place itself was nice a clean with light blue walls. I mention this because plain ol' white walls really would have given it a colder feeling. All three staff that we encountered were over the top friendly and when we left, they asked us to complete a customer service survey.

Wow. If only DMV would have a customer service survey!

Now we wait some more. In the meantime, we are just waiting to be match with our little human :)

The update

Where to begin...

The last few weeks we have been on a bit of a roller coaster. I've been writing about it to be able to have record of what this journey has been like, but we weren't ready to share what has been going on until now.

If you want to catch up, you can click on the link for Ghana on the right-hand side of the page which will bring up all of our Ghana-related posts or, you can go back to our archives to November 18th and read through to find the new posts.

Catching up

Ok.. I'm writing this about a week after the fact as it has taken me that long to be able to write about this.

Since I last wrote about Ghana and Little Miss, we have had nothing but more heartache from this new agency (email me if you want to know who they are). I talked with the director on Wednesday, December 1st and was told that he would talk with the rep in Ghana and call me the next day at 10 a.m. He did not call the next day (and when I called he was not in the office) and he did not call the following day. He finally emailed me Friday night and said that there would be a teleconference with everyone MONDAY EVENING. Obviously, I called Tuesday at 11 a.m. figuring that was plenty of time for them to have called me to fill me in.

I couldn't get a hold of him all day. I finally talked with his assistant director who confirmed my fears. She agreed that the director was unprofessional and that he had over promised. She also said she didn't know why he would match our family to this little girl without knowing her social history. For all we know, this little girl's photo was just taken off a charity's website. Basically, she told me that we definitely should not feel comfortable working with their agency.

About 1/2 hour later, the director calls and tries to get an attitude with me for asking so many questions. He informed me that he was the industry leader for adoptions (funny because NO ONE in the industry that I've spoken with has even heard of him or his agency). I calmed him down and let him talk about how great he is for another 1/2 hour. Chris got home shortly after and we made the difficult decision to not work with him. Don't get me wrong, it was easy to say we wouldn't work with him, he was an idiot, but he is the only one that would be able to connect us with Little Miss. I guess once a child is assigned to an agency, that's it. Every time I get upset about her being over the alone and remember that we have no proof whatsoever that she even exists or that she doesn't have a mother loving her already.

In the course of the last few weeks I've been communicating with 3 other agencies that work in Ghana and they have all been so much more helpful then this guy. So, this past week we've been working with them to decide which agency to switch to as we have decided to stay with Ghana and our current agency does not work in Ghana. Why not go back to Ethiopia? Well, we could, but also in the past few weeks there have been announcements about concerns from the US which could mean instability, delays and more frustration for Ethiopia.

We feel like this happened for a reason and we are supposed to be looking for our child in Ghana. We're at peace... for the moment...

Forget the mailbox

I got tired of waiting in the rain so I emailed USCIS. Good news! Apparently we have fingerprint appointments December 22nd! Now we just need the actual notice to arrive in the mail so that we know what time and where.

If you need me....

I'll be waiting by the mailbox.

I cannot believe that we haven't received our fingerprint appointments yet! I know they can take awhile, but the other family that we know is exactly one week ahead of us (they sent in their I-600A one week before us) and following their timeline, we should have gotten our fingerprint appointments in the mail last Wednesday.

Bummer.

So, if you need me, you know where I'll be.

Emotionally drained after just 3 1/2 months

It exhausts me just thinking about writing this post, but if we really want to capture this journey for our child, I need to document the craziness that has been this past week.

So, just a couple weeks ago life was great. We were slowly moving along the long adoption process, but moving. Then, I get the email that put a face to the process and it has been downhill since. She was presented as a child needing a family and we are a family needing a child. Perfect. Ah, but then there is the agency. Turns out, they are completely unprofessional and have not yet completed an adoption in Ghana. China sure, but Ghana, no.

OK... We'll just go with the flow a bit.

Nope. Turns out when we do that, nothing happens on their end. We are more than 2 weeks from the day that we saw her photo and exactly NOTHING has happened. The agency supposedly requested information on her and sent our application along to the regional director, but really they just asked the guy in Ghana to get the information and pass along our application. As far as we can tell, he did neither. So, with some pushing from me, our agency said they would get in touch with him. That was 3 days ago. I finally heard back tonight only to be told that I was right - nothing has happened, but they have asked him AGAIN and he said he'll do it on Monday.

I keep asking God for a sign. Is THIS our little girl? Are we supposed to take a huge leap of faith with this agency even though they seem a bit shady in order to build our family? Then it hit me: aren't these signs?

We fell in love with a little girl that we thought was meant to be ours, but everyday since, we have hit a road block. Is it possible that she was just a sign from God that our child is in Ghana and we need to focus there and not Ethiopia and now, he continues to give me signs that this sweet girl is not the one? It's like, he gives subtle little hints and if you don't pay attention, he'll smack you upside the head so that you DO listen. Do we push on and see if we get the ultimate smack - losing her and a ton of money further down the road?

OR are we just being test in our faith? Does God want to see how badly we will fight for her?